Hello, dearest readers– Happy Valentine’s Day!! ❤️ For the 3 of you who actually follow this blog, you may have noticed that I’ve been a bit of a ghost over the past couple months; I will admit that wintertime puts me in full “hibernation mode,” and the seasonal depression is no joke. There were a few posts that I had planned on sharing with you (self-care goals, film/book recommendations, seeing HAMILTON !!!!!!!!!!🙊😭😍🌟🖤), but in all honesty, my demons got the best of me and convinced me that my words weren’t worth the time, and certainly weren’t worthy of yours.
However, in honor of Valentine’s Day (and the fact that I have somehow been cornered into the position of “seemingly always single friend who gives suspiciously damn decent relationship advice only to be promptly ignored”), my demons have been temporarily silenced, in hopes of sharing some love (and some unqualified wisdom) regarding various types of relationships- or lack thereof- and reminding you that you ARE loved, regardless of whether you get a bouquet of roses delivered to your desk from your Tinder date or not. 😜
This is my personal “v(al)endetta” against the traditional expectations of “Valentine’s Day,” along with some advice on how to focus on the love (and the chocolate), rather than the obnoxious romance (and/or potential loneliness) :
I. Remember, Remember, the
5th of November 14th of February…
One thing I’ve noticed as an observer and listener is that a lot of people completely forget about Valentine’s Day. After all, it’s winter, everyone is sad/cold/sick, and it’s usually during the work/school week when we’re all consumed with the routine tasks of our daily lives.
With that all being said, my first piece of advice for you would be to COMMUNICATE with your partner about your expectations for the “holiday.” Some people don’t acknowledge it; others do– if you’re honest about what you want, then you’ll pretty much avoid the “scandal” of forgetting Valentine’s Day and having to scramble for cheap, random gifts at the airport or gas station.
My second (and more important) piece of advice is to remember your loved ones EVERY day, not just on Valentine’s Day. Consider this holiday an excuse to be EXTRA lovey-dovey, as opposed to the ONLY time to express loving emotion for the people you cherish. I promise I won’t scowl too harshly at your sweet butterfly kisses, excessive bouquets of roses, & overabundance of candy. #ImNotBitter 😝
II. I Love You Like A Love Song, Baby
If you’re trying to find something fun, thoughtful, romantic, & inexpensive to do with your partner this V-Day, try creating “Love” playlists/CDs for each other.
Essentially, you put together a playlist of songs that remind you of your partner, make you feel like falling in love, represent what kind of love you want, etc.– it can represent all forms of love that you’ve experienced or hope to experience, everyone’s perspective is different.
It’s basically like taking a mixtape to a more poignant level, because your attachment to the songs is more personal and specific. Make the playlists for one another, exchange them, and then discuss the reasoning behind each song– the songs that are chosen might surprise you in the most peculiar ways!
This is an insightful exercise no matter what your relationship status is; my best friend and I did it and we learned a lot about each other– it’s amazing how music can capture certain feelings/moments when words simply won’t suffice.🎶
In other words…
THE POWER OF THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT. 🥀🖤
What I love most of all about this exchange is how intimate it is, both in getting to know someone else, as well as further understanding yourself.
If you’re curious/bored and would like to listen to mine, click here (*listen in order).
III. You’re Sexy & You Know It
I bought my first piece from Rihanna’s Savage X Fenty collection on Black Friday this past November, and I’m absolutely OBSESSED!!! I love tastefully incorporating lingerie pieces into my everyday wardrobe, and the quality and attention to detail in SXF is impeccable. Also, YAY for diverse sizes, skin tone “nudes,” and colors to choose from- Queen RiRi made damn sure there was something for EVERYONE on her site and I LOVE it!! 😍
I haven’t personally tried MeUndies yet, but I heard about them while listening to Anna Faris’ podcast, Unqualified (which you should also check out!), and it is my understanding that these are basically the softest, comfiest underwear in the history of all clothing. This is achieved through the use of “Lenzing MicroModal,” which is a sustainably-sourced, natural fiber from beechwood trees that results in the buttery smooth (emphasis on the “butt” HA😏🤣) fabric to create the incomparably soft underwear comfort that they’re notorious for.
Ultimately, the goal of these companies is to provide quality undergarments that make you feel comfortable, sexy, and confident in your own body– what’s not to love?!
IV. Don’t Cry for Me Val-entina
OK. This is just a brief, friendly reminder not to lecture or patronize friends/family for not having a romantic partner to celebrate Valentine’s Day with.
We’ve all been there: You’re at a social function, innocently mingling, or catching up with an old friend, and then the dreaded question is asked- “Are you seeing anyone???”
If/when the answer happens to be “No,” the next few moments play out in slow motion, like an agonizing car accident you can’t escape from because YOU’RE IN THE DAMN CAR. Their eyes dialate, their lips curl into a polite, sympathetic smile, and you brace yourself for the incoming advice from beyond the Cloud 9 threshold as they proclaim the inevitable: “Well, I hope you find someone so you know what it feels like to be happy and loved someday. 🙂”
You smile and nod, all while having an internal fit in your head, begging for the excruciating spiel to end…
Being in a relationship does NOT equate to having life all figured out and knowing all of the answers. Being single does NOT mean you’re unloved, worthless, and falling behind in the great race of life.
There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with being single. Rather than wasting time focusing on what others have or don’t have, take that precious time and use it to reflect on the various types of love in your life, and cherish those who share it with you. Passive aggressively/ condescendingly lecturing someone about the timing of their life and who they’ve met so far along the way is always a recipe for disaster. As good and sincere as the intentions may be, please be considerate and mindful of what you say when it comes to the “love-life pep talks.”
Remember, we’ve all been alone at some point. Your relationship status does NOT determine your life’s worth; once you learn to trust the timing and tune out the white noise of everyone else’s expectations, you’ll find yourself to be a much happier person.
V. My Love
Alright. I’m not going to sit here and make it seem like being alone most of the time is always full of wonderful, independent bliss, because it’s NOT. There are days where the loneliness envelopes me so tightly to the point where I can hardly breathe; but there are also days when the storm in my mind is momentarily calm, and I can appreciate the silence and be at peace with myself.
Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, single or in a relationship, my advice to you is this:
Make a conscious effort to love yourself.
Whether it’s reading a book, watching your favorite show/movie, working out, listening to music, going out with friends, spending time with family, snuggling with your pet, catching up on some sleep, etc., try to do at least one thing solely for yourself each day.
When you’re in a relationship, there’s always the struggle of balancing who you are and who you want to be for your partner; sometimes we get lost in the sacrifices we make, and subsequently lose ourselves in the process. Yes, relationships are all about healthy compromises, but if you feel like you’re not yourself anymore, take some time to reevaluate who you’re giving your time to and why.
When you’re single, there’s always the pressure of “proving your worth” to society by finding someone who will date you, and you can become consumed with the toxic and utterly false idea that you aren’t good enough or worthy of love. Take that pressure off of yourself, society can f*cking shove it. Focus on what you want in your life, and work towards those goals, little by little, step by step. In time, you’ll discover that being alone is not the same as being lonely, and you may even learn to enjoy the solitude. It’s not as bad as romantic comedies make it seem, I promise. 😝😅
As someone who has spent the majority of their life alone, I must admit there is a euphoric sense of pride when I accomplish something on my own. Learning how to be independent is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m getting there. 😈
No matter what your relationship status is, I hope this day is full of love, and that this helped inspire you in some way to share love with yourself and with others each day, not just when the red & pink teddy bears and heart-shaped candies are in stock. 😜😘
“But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.”
– Alan Moore, V for Vendetta
Happy Valentine’s day! ❤️🖤❤️