This strange, dark time in the world has admittedly dug up some memories and emotions that I thought were buried for good. At a time when social distance is crucial, and new connections are scarce, I’ve admittedly been feeling an odd sense of grief lately for past flames that seemed to burn out too soon, now with truly no hope of ever being rekindled.
It feels like a pathetic sense of “loss,” especially when there are so many more important things occurring throughout the world as I write this. But, I’m sharing these thoughts with you in case anyone else may be feeling this way. The goal, as always, is to make us all feel a little more connected, and a little less alone.
To some (myself included), the world may have already felt like some sort of “ghost town,” even before the impact of an international pandemic. I’m now even more devastated by how much we take each other for granted, especially in the world of modern dating. How painfully ironic that we claim to search for adventures and people to make us feel alive, when we ultimately just become ghosts to one another- sometimes without even a shred of remorse. In my “quarantine,” I’ve been forced to actually focus on and accept my grief that I’ve been feeling in the pit of my soul for months; it’s made me realize just how afraid I’ve been of my own feelings, and the massive significance I’ve instinctively attached to them. With no work or social life to distract me, I now have no choice but to face my fears, and hope that I will heal and grow in the process.
The strong, responsible part of me just wants those feelings to rest in peace…
…but the vulnerable, emotional part of me secretly never wants the haunting to end- because after feeling dead inside for so long, even just a glimpse of someone who once made me feel alive is better than feeling nothing at all.
Or so I thought…
~ Concrete Kiss ~
The moment our lips met,
I realized
that was one of the few times
in my entire life
that I truly felt
alive.
Undeniably,
absolutely,
incandescently
ALIVE.
And I think he could feel it too…
the massive significance
building upon something
he once thought was so
simple.
For me,
that exhaled moment
between us
made me feel calm;
weightless,
like a pure breath of fresh
air.
But–
how heavy it must have felt
for him,
the concrete burden
of raising a strange,
sweet girl from the
dead.
As he breathed
life into me,
I suffocated
life out of him.
Unknowingly.
Unintentionally.
Undeniably.
And now all I can do
is ask myself
the only question
I already know
the answer to:
Who
was the REAL
monster?
– bury me 6 ft deep
Xx,
K
*Inspirational Songs of Choice:
Fashion for Your Thoughts 